Thoughts on Thursday: The SPN experience.

This is a safe space where i’ll be processing some thoughts… it may come back and it may not… but right now i need to get this thoughts out so here it goes…

This may have some sort of spoilers, so if you don’t want to be spoiled on anything Supernatural related.. please stop reading.

Supernatural recap: Season 13, Episode 8 |
The Winchester brothers, part of my life as a fangirl, part of my youth, my memories and everything in between.

I was a Supernatural fan… i’d been a fan for a very long time, from like season 2 or something. I remember how i started watching it and my sister telling she would tell my mom that i’m watching scary stuff when i’m known for being afraid of my own shadow.

I remember loving the Winchester brothers and having a crush on Jared Padalecki since forever… but when you end up fighting God’s sister clearly you are running out of ideas, or so i thought.

I stopped watching Supernatural years ago, in the beginning of season 12… only came back for the Scooby Doo episode. But knowing it was ending i prepared myself to catch up and finish a tv show, because i spent not only my time watching the show once until then… i watched it a few times over the years.

I thought i should “pay my respects” to the show…

I don’t even know.

It ended and tumblr is exploding. Actually, it started the explosion with S15E18 when Castiel told Dean he loves (loved) him.

Now, i shipped Destiel for a long while… and maybe i stopped watching the show because i was mad it was queerbaiting… i don’t really remember but i know i always felt it was never gonna happen.

Anyway, Castiel ended up having feelings for Dean (what a shock) obviously, for me Dean doesn’t have feeling for Castiel … or so you’ll think after the performance Jensen Ackles gave on that scene.

The thing is apparently Dean says he loves Cass too… (I heard it, he does say it) which is funny and infuriating all at the same time.

Did they want to make it queer at the end? If so, what changed? Is love different for angels? Who the hell thought sending Castiel to super mega hyper hell after admiting loving Dean was a good idea and message to the community????

Hell, if i know.

But people are raging, and i understand them… but it also makes me wonder, should i finish watching the show or not? Is it bad if i watch i on netflix? does it even matter? Do i matter?

Clearly, the audience didn’t matter much to the writers, if they did what they did to the characters at the end… there are a bunch of conspiracy theories going around about the ending of the show. I chose not to mind them too much because otherwise i’ll spiral into the neverending craziness in my head and we might never get an answer.

Since i’m on tumblr and i’m not blind, i pretty much know the ending, they are gifing everything, so there are no secrets, and i don’t really mind spoilers most of the time so i could watch it… but do i want to? I mean, a part of me obviously does, I love Sam Winchester, i want to see as much of him as i can… but i also gave up on it for a reason back in the day… and they upsetted a ton of people…

I’m being torn apart and i wanna be free of this pain… (yeah, i still quote Kylo Ren sometimes…), but i don’t know if i should do it or not.

I mean… Jared… but at the same time everything else.

Please, don’t get me wrong, i appreciate most of the people who participated on the show i don’t wanna be disrespectful to any of them… but Jared is JARED.

At the same time… when i left it, it was still going on.. and for me it will carry on (obviously on purpose) because of that and giving it an end will be like… idk… too much? Too hurtful? Seeing the ending could send me into a spiral of rewatching the show again and again, and it’s 15 seasons… which could consume my life when i just got back to normal, and reading and being okay and finally having plans in my life…

It’s just four seasons… four seasons and it will be over for me… but do i want it to be over?? Do i prefer having them as they were 4 seasons back or do i want their end? If i do watch am i betraying my community?

It’s too much…

Now i suddenly have the urge of ending my fanfiction about them… and starting a new one that it’s coming alive in my head right this moment.

I think i’ll leave this open for now, i have the option of watching it on netflix, i might do it someday… but i’m not sure today is the day… i’m not ready to saying good bye to Sam and Dean and Castiel yet. I guess it won’t be over for now… maybe the moment i see them in different tv shows will be the right moment, to let them go… speaking of letting go, i’m coming up with my next talk idea..

Letting go is so difficult, especially when these characters helped you through hard times.

Shot, i totally remember being super scared of season four and like, not being able to sleep for some reason… yes… the times when my life went to hell along with the Winchesters.

I love them, i totally do… i just, don’t want to day goodbye forever yet… and i know i can rewatch it, i’m just not ready for that either.

Carry On!

T5W: They Say You Can’t Choose Family But…

As always, topics for these entries are taken from the Top 5 Wednesday group on Goodreads . The group was created  Lainey. Now the group is under Samantha’s moderation, you can find her here.

Top 5 Wednesday: They Say You Can’t Choose Family But…

Sam and Dean Winchester SupernaturalThe Brothers –  Sam & Dean Winchester From Supernatural.

I want Sam and Dean as my brothers. They aren’t just really close, but they truly care and love each other, they are willing to give everything for one another, and that’s something i don’t have with my real siblings, but it’s something i really want.

Also, it would be totally awesome to go on hunts and take care of the family business with them both.

Daddy-Long-Legs (Daddy-Long-Legs, #1) The Grandparents – Judy Abbot & *Spoilers* Jervis Pendleton From Daddy-Long-Legs.

Two of the sweetest love birds to ever exist, i want them as my grandparents. I know they would be actually kind of old to actually be, but it would be so nice to listen to their times together, how they fell in love, how they actually meet and many other anecdots. Also, if they would give me the letters they wrote to each other and such, it would me a dream come true. I would be my grandparents’s biggest fan.



I Am Not A Serial Killer (John Cleaver, #1)The Cousin –  John Wayne Cleaver From I Am Not A Serial Killer.

I know it  is really strange, but i would totally want John as the weird cousin in the family (instead of her being me). Like, i know he has serial killer tendencies, but i find it extremely amusing and would be sort of awesome to have such an interesting person in the family… one that i can sort of study.

The Martian The uncle – Mark Watney From The Martian.

He would be the totally kick ass, most awesome uncle to have. After the adventures or misadventures he had in Mars, having to listen to all his stories about being a stranded astronaut would be completely the greatest thing that could ever happen.

The Blood of Olympus (The Heroes of Olympus, #5)Any member of the family – Any Character From The Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus series.

I would want any of the characters in these books as any family member, especially if it’s one of the half bloods, or the gods themselves because then maybe i owuld be a demigod myself, which is sort of dangerous but completely cool. Okay, so i really want to have some amazing and interesting power to change and make my life more interesting. So, if one of them was a cousin, an aunt, an uncle or a sibling, that could be completely awesome.