Confessions of a shipperholic

I’m not big on real life romance, actually I’m not big on human contact at all.  Basically, do you know the character Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang theory? Do you know why relentless he is about human contact? (Mostly on earlier seasons) well, that’s how I roll.

And yet when it comes to fictional characters i go berserk.
Honesty, i obsess over fictional relationships, i get invested on so much that if people who know me irk would know it would change the way they looked at me forever.
There’s a sort of insanity, that I’m not quite sure if it’s just the Fangirl way or if it runs deeper in my veins or something. It’s ridiculous I swear.
If i ever invested half the time i do on thinking about my otps (one true pairing [s]) into a real relationship, I would get an award for being the best girlfriend in the universe.

No, not really, i don’t like people around me at all, and don’t get me started on people touching me, that’s just wrong. So wrong.

But to be honest, i think we live in a time when these kind of behaviors aren’t the weirdest things you can find. So, i spend my time and emotions on fictional relationships and everything is fine.

As being a shipper [and a fangirl] is a way of living, i’ve been fangirling over my favorite ships since i was very young. Like, when i was about seven or eight i would watch anime and ship many ships (even though at the time i didn’t know it was shipping).

But i guess the obsessiveness of it all started when i read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for the first time. I remember how much i got crazy about Viktor Krum getting in the middle of Hermione and Ron, how much it bothered me at the time. Yeah, my first OTP (which i carry to this day) was Romione, although i didn’t call it that until two years ago.

I still ship them very much, i even remember being very nervous when the last book got out, because until the books weren’t over there was still the chance that my ship wouldn’t happen, i may even have prayed at some point, i’m not a 100% sure.

Since that first ship, i had a lot (and i mean A LOT) of OTPs, when normally i’ll have only one in a particular fandom, i’ll still have some other that i ship (just not that much).

For some reason i prefer canon ships, or ones that may be canon at some point, mostly because my fangirl heart struggles too much when i have to make it all in my head. But yeah, i had some crazy ships…

Well, yeah, at some point i totally shipped Tomoyo and Meiling.

And i say shipped, which is weird, because normally if i shipped it at one point, i’ll ship it for eternity, i honestly don’t remember why i stopped shipping them together. If i decide to ship a ship it’s for good, but there are a very few i had to drop just because it was too impossible or something ruined the ship for me. Something like the actors interpreting the characters being horrible people in real life, or too much against the ship … yeah, i also won’t ship real life people…

Anyway, obviously it’s impossible to have so many OTPs and obsess over them the same amount all of the time, so, i obsess over one particular ship (like most of the day) the same way i’ll obsess over a show or book (and the OTP normally will be of that same tv show/book) while i’ll still obsess a bit (much) over other OTPs.

At the moment the ship i’m obsessing the most over is Shamy from the Big Bang Theory, which means i’m watching and rewatching the show all day over these days.. (yeah, my capacity of rewatching and rereading stuff i love is remarkable, i’ll talk about that one day).

(My relationship goals right there)

Because i have so many OTPs, and a very short attention span, i’ll be talking about my ships in short entries, …

Oh wow, what a way of saying that with this entry i’m presenting a new “segment” on this blog, apart of the nonsenses i talk about on a monthly basis, i’ll be adding the “confessions of a shipperholic” from now on…

So, for today this is all..

’til next time! 😀

When the circus came to town

I never thought much of a bucket lists, apparently many people have them, but i never thought i needed one…or had one for what it matters, although i guess i just saw it a my tbr list (?). 

A few weeks ago i went to a Cirque Du Soleil show – “Quidam”. When i was waiting for it to start i remembered how much i’ve been willing to see one of their shows… so many years longing for it. While sitting there, it popped to my head that would be something to cross off my bucket list, … and then rewrite it there because i have to go see them again.

What a magical evening it was. I mean, my inner child was in tears the whole time. I can’t remember the circuses i’ve been in before, something with dogs in parachutes, the Moscow Circus (?). Don’t really know, i only remember a puddle being thrown by someone to the ground. … Anyway… The Cirque Du Soleil show was nothing i could ever dream, it was just so freaking amazing. Those people, the performers  (all of them; acrobats, actors, musicians) are so talented, all of them. Tears, i was in tears (of joy of course).

Being in the first row (i couldn’t believe it!), seeing their faces for real, not from afar imagining them (not at all), seeing their muscules shaking from all the work they were doing, it was amazing.

More than anything it felt as a surreal dream. A dream i wouldn’t mind having every time i close my eyes. It reminded me of movies such as Paprika. It was so weird, good weird, of course. There’s a peaceful, relaxing beauty on watching such talented performance in such a short time. You didn’t finished gasping about something yet anohter as incredible as that one already started. Man, those people are so talented, they are art, ART THEMSELVES.

I wish i could really describe in words my feelings for what i saw. It’s weird because i could describe the acts here, tell you what i enjoyed (everything), but i have the feeling that describing, just describing it wouldn’t make it justice. This is something you have to see with your own eyes (or go home), because the feelings, the colors and the performance it’s too much.

So, instead i’ll talk about what catched my eye during the whole show, the talk i had with my sister (who accompanied me) after and my future plans…

Maybe i should start by giving  a little summary of the show;

Young Zoé is bored; her parents, distant and apathetic, ignore her. Her life has lost all meaning. Seeking to fill the void of her existence, she slides into an imaginary world – the world of Quidam – where she meets characters who encourage her to free her soul.

Quidam: a nameless passer-by, a solitary figure lingering on a street corner, a person rushing past and swallowed by the crowd. It could be anyone, anybody. Someone coming or going at the heart of our anonymous society. A member of the crowd, one of the silent majority. The one who cries out, sings and dreams within us all. This is the “quidam” whom this show allows to speak. This is the place that beckons – a place for dreaming and genuine relations where all quidams, by proclaiming their individuality, can finally emerge from anonymity.

taken from the official Cirque Du Soileil website.

So, there were two characters who i saw picking on  Zoe the whole time, John and Target. John was hillarious, Target was the cutest character to ever cute. 

<Zoe with John and Target; respectively>

Okay, yeah.. Target was the character i found myself most drown to, he was most of the time at the back doing goofy stuff (he reminded me of a little boy or a puppy) , many times on a cage and although he was merely a part of the background my sister had to keep telling me to look at the main actm because i was staring at him instead.  So yeah.. he catched my eye badly. I could spend days just staring at this man doing so much cute stuff.

Target, the bae

<the original planwas to buy another ticket to go to the show again, because i needed to watch it again, but it turned to be an impossibility>

So, as i started as an idiot (i’m sure of this) i enjoyed not only the main acts, but also the little things on the show. And by the end of the show Target was my bae (in my mind obviously).

Anyway, it was not as if he was the only thing i paid attention to (although a large amount of it was, it was pretty intense), i liked.. more like LOVED all the acts. I was surprised to discover my sister enjoyed the most the diabolos and jiggling acts. I never thought she could love those, but to be honest, i didn’t think she would love any of it, as i had to obligate her to come with me.

After the show when talking about what we saw, she described to me so many things i’ve missed, meanings and ideas i didn’t see, which felt weird to me (not to say awkward), i saw people being art, she saw meaning on everything. But i guess it’s kind of my sister’s thing, she studying art and creative design, so that’s something she should do .. (not all the time but.. hey, not my thing..)

As for my dreams…yeah, it’s not as if iwas running away to join a circus right now .. (that ship sailed away from me). But i always looked for wonder in life, and i gotta admit this reality thing we live in makes it difficult to find, and then sometimes, without really looking you find something really great, and it makes you happy even if just for a little time. That happened to me while watching the show, that evening. I won’t become an acrobat (for so many reasons), but i can go watch more of those kind of shows.

So, the plan now is ;

  1. whenever they come to where i live; i’ll go to their shows [maybe even more than once].
  2. some of their shows are in fixed places or will never come here, so to those i’ll have to go myself.

Technicaly the idea is to become a Cirque Du Soleil fangirl, next time i’ll be prepared! Not like this time, i just randomly saw the poster and remember how much i always wanted to go to their show, but my mom could never take us, so i just thought “wait, i’m a working grown up! i can buy a ticket myself!” and so it happened…

Now.. thinking of it… do they have fans? or is it just random people that happen to go to their shows? Do they have a fanbase? I guess i couldn’t be the only one that loved it so much, right? … I surely hope so!

Okay.. so, next stop; finding the Cirque Du Soleil Fanbase!

Wish me luck! see you next time!

On a train

I really like trains, they are not only faster than buses, they are also, so much comfortable. Also, they will always bring me home. Almost every place I’ve lived in, since moving from my parents’s house was one trip by train away. This meaning also that getting away was one trip by train away… Trains always make me nostalgic, as they stop in places i wish to forget or come back to… So many places…
Today i left work early and went to the train station, i can’t wait to get home already, because only where my mom is, there’s home for me. I could live anywhere but those places wouldn’t be home and they never will.
I’m five stations away now, half an hour and all the crap i had this week will go away. All the unfinished businesses, the promises i made to myself and didn’t go through with, the fight i had with my sister last Monday(she still isn’t talking to me), all gone. That’s the wonder of going home.
I will be free once again, have all my stuff, hug my family, poke my dog until he looks at me as if he wished i went away. I missed them so much, many times i wonder how am I even doing it.
There’s this pal i work with, she loves her family but she doesn’t like going visit, and I’m like HOW? All i want is to be close to home. Actually i don’t visit much because i always suffer from homesickness after i go back to my apartment, and i find it difficult to get over it after, so next week will be really hard on me. But hey, I get to see the only people i kept in touch with ever.
Also, i will be bringing books with me when I get back to my apartment, instead of keep on buying (yeah right, it will stop me from buying more books…) which means at least I’ll be a little less bored/alone. Or so i hope.
Now, going back to talking about the train, … I’m getting a little worried because it started smelling like a gas station here, and it wasn’t like it before… I hope everything is fine. Gosh, I hope everything is okay with the train.
Two stations away now, and my mom called to tell me she’ll wait for me at the station. She never does it. It’s a nice thing to do. I’m getting excited.
I can’t wait to smell the sea from home. We live two streets from the sea, and seeing the Sun setting on the horizon is one of the most beautiful things ever. The sun is already setting down today, so i guess i won’t make it to see the sun disappearing from the living room window.
I hope tomorrow I’ll make it.
Next stop is home.
I don’t know what I wanted to say today, i was just wandering i guess, i just couldn’t keep on reading, i woke up really early and I’m tired, really tired.
People talking, everywhere, talking but for once the noise isn’t unbearable as it always is.
Today is a fine day,
Today is a good day to go home.

About Books: Reading plans and expectations

 

Last year i discovered this great website called goodreads, where you can upload all the information about your reading life, get recommendations, participate on reading clubs and other stuff…
1388802158-1388802158_goodreads_miscThey also have this “reading challenge” in which you decide how many books you want to read this year. Last year i had a bad patch the first 6 months and i didn’t read much, but since July i gained back my reading habits and even though i started my challenge late i finished it pretty well… as i missed the first semester of the year i decided on challenging myself to read only 25 books (the first semester i read only 4 books…)
I was gladly surprised when at the end of the year i saw that i actually read a total of 55 books.
Now, i’m a book lover and i enjoy reading very much (i also enjoy buying books..) but until last year my readings were mostly rereadings, i may have read Harry Potter about a hundred times by now, but last year all but one book (City of Bones) were all new readings, which i found very refreshing, also my list of “rereads” increased reasonably.
1420062833-1420062833_goodreads_miscThis year, as i started a new reading challenge and also started buying books online (making my purchases way less expensive which also means i can buy more books!!) i decided that even though i have way more time than last year to reasd books, and even when i finished reading my first book of the year in the early afternoon of January the 1st, i wrote as my challenge to read 50 books.
My decision was based in two thoughts;
First, i wasn’t sure if i’ll start studying (again) this October, so I have to be prepared to the idea that i may not have so much time as i expected.
Second, if by the end of June i’m close to the 50 (or surpassed it) i’ll raise it to 100.

Now,  knowing that my workplace doesn’t require of me to take my job home or even think about it when i’m not there, i have a lot of free time after hours. Usually i spend it reading or watching anime or other shows or movies… but then there’s also times when after finishing a book i can’t really concentrate on anything else (as currently happening to me after reading The Raven Boys), i tend to have a lot of thoughts about what i just read, the characters and the ideas, and the writing and the authors and at some point my head is so full of thoughts i feel as writer1if it was to explode.  So, when i created this blog i thought of writing about my reading experiences, the problem is.. i’m not really sure how to put my thoughts in words sometimes or how to make them be rational sentences.  So i ended up not knowing if i should write what  i think is a review or just my raw emotions/thoughts or anything at all.

As i’m not even sure if it really matters, i’ll be trying to write every one of those; ideas, thoughts, emotions.. everything.

 

 

About Work Place and Stuff…

For the record: I’m aware a lot of people hate their work place, I also know that a many of them have a more difficult, more stressful job than me, of course i know it, but starngely enough (…) we all born with different amounts of tolerance and strenght, so while some people can endure horrible things happening to them, some of us can’t. This doesn’t make us less or more than others, it just makes us humans.

As I started to say before, many of us have horrible jobs, actually mine isn’t that bad, at least in theory. All I have to do is check if the typists made some error, if they did i have to correct it, if they didn’t I just have to press 1. Pretty simple, it’s done in an office, the chair is comfortable, I can listen to music while doing my job, it’s close to where I live (about 15 minutes by bus), sounds great, and I was really happy when I started working there.
By the time I found out the neighborhood is creppy and dangerous at night I couldn’t find another job. Damn this economy. So I got stucked in a job that while at first is kind of cool (computer and all…) the more you go to work the more you die in the inside. Okay, it may sound kind of dramatic, but believe me, every time I have a night shift (three times a week) I spend about 2 hours daydreaming about bleeding to death in my desk, after purposely hitting my head with the table. Those days I just want to get the hell out of there, but then I remember that now I’m a *grown up* and I’m suppose to pay taxes and stuff. Living is expensive and also overrated.
Compared to other jobs, I guess mine it’s kind of okay, if only I was alone while doing it. How can I put this… I have trouble talking to people, interacting with people, breathing next to people,… I have a problem with people. Not quite sure if it’s agoraphobia or just me being a lousy human being. Maybe it’s the fact that I hate being human. I don’t know.., let’s just say that words are my strength but only when I’m writing them down on paper. I can’t even make my sims interact with each other, for god’s sake.
Do I really have to say more?
Everything about this job should be right, like, having a serious job for the first time in my life, leaving my family’s house for real, living in a nice city, being resposible for myself, having time to rethink my ife as it is, so I don’t know… I’m just really miserable.
For what it’s worth, I’m still trying to make things work before I totally lose it. Well, not everyday because two days ago I just couldn’t hold it any longer and just got the hell out of there, I was willing to do for about the last month but told myself the moment I let myself do it once, I won’t be coming back, ever. And I’m still hoping I’ll make it right next Sunday, when my next shift is going to be.
Good thing I have a whole two days (actually three because yesterday I took the day off) before going back to work, guess it’s worse for my sister whom took 6 weeks off, came back yesterday and it’s already gone for work now, even though it’s only 7:20 am where i live.
Honestly, looking back, maybe it’s my mentals health’s fault. Try as I may, at the end of the day the brain does what it wants, and non of us can actually change much of it.
I’ll keep doing my best, I guess, waking up every day, trying to make it count, … maybe I’ll should just take a break, rethink my life (have i already said that?), read some good books this weekend, watch a movie or two, relax, take my meds, sleep not more than 4 hours every time, drink more water, eat healthier, … find some new year’s resolutions, there’s still time for it, right?
Jeez, I hope it makes sense, because honestly, I have no idea, my mind doesn’t make much sense these days, sorry about that.
Keep on going,
Clems.