Thoughts on Thursday is an original section in which i share feelings and stories, a safe place. You are invited to see into my soul, but you don’t have to. The only thing i’ll ask for is, please no hate in the comments if there are any.
I have very good friends, they live with me and in me. They are always by my side, and they will never leave me unless i want them to.
I have friends, but people say the are just books.
Those are the friends i have because i real life i’m alone. Like honest to god alone.
I don’t know when it started but i was never a people’s person… i may be a people’s pleaser but not a person. I only have people i know. And i know it sounds extreme and an exageration, but i’m so alone it hurts. And so, i always keep myself accompanied by a book, a series, a movie, something that will make me forget i’m alone.
I used to have one friend, a real soulmate, but she found someone else and left me alone. I never see her anymore, and not only because of lockdowns and such, it was long before. I don’t know where i lost her and if she doesn’t care we were soulmates.
I didn’t love her that way but sometimes your soulmate isn’t your mate. I don’t know how she feels anymore, weused to be so close. And it hurts, it hurts a lot to know that she doesn’t care about me the way i care about her.
I don’t matter to her anymore, i can see it.
She never calls, she never cares whether i’m doing fine, she never answers my phonecalls anymore. You know, i sued to believe that friends can be forever, but now i see that isn’t true. People move on, people leave you behind, they forget about you.
And what about you? Do you forget them?
I don’t. I didn’t have many friends in my whole life, but the ones i had they were important to me and i don’t want to forget them. I don’t want to leave them. If it depended on me we would still be friends.
But people grow tired of me, of my silliness, on my love for imagined worlds.
They grow tired of me.
I’ll never have a real friend, one that will be there for me when i need them, they only use me when they need me. That’s who i am. Someone to be used.
I don’t mean anything,
And that’s okay,
because i have my friends,
the ones that are always there
when i need them.
I have my books.