Thoughts on Thursday: The SPN experience.

This is a safe space where i’ll be processing some thoughts… it may come back and it may not… but right now i need to get this thoughts out so here it goes…

This may have some sort of spoilers, so if you don’t want to be spoiled on anything Supernatural related.. please stop reading.

Supernatural recap: Season 13, Episode 8 | EW.com
The Winchester brothers, part of my life as a fangirl, part of my youth, my memories and everything in between.

I was a Supernatural fan… i’d been a fan for a very long time, from like season 2 or something. I remember how i started watching it and my sister telling she would tell my mom that i’m watching scary stuff when i’m known for being afraid of my own shadow.

I remember loving the Winchester brothers and having a crush on Jared Padalecki since forever… but when you end up fighting God’s sister clearly you are running out of ideas, or so i thought.

I stopped watching Supernatural years ago, in the beginning of season 12… only came back for the Scooby Doo episode. But knowing it was ending i prepared myself to catch up and finish a tv show, because i spent not only my time watching the show once until then… i watched it a few times over the years.

I thought i should “pay my respects” to the show…

I don’t even know.

It ended and tumblr is exploding. Actually, it started the explosion with S15E18 when Castiel told Dean he loves (loved) him.

Now, i shipped Destiel for a long while… and maybe i stopped watching the show because i was mad it was queerbaiting… i don’t really remember but i know i always felt it was never gonna happen.

Anyway, Castiel ended up having feelings for Dean (what a shock) obviously, for me Dean doesn’t have feeling for Castiel … or so you’ll think after the performance Jensen Ackles gave on that scene.

The thing is apparently Dean says he loves Cass too… (I heard it, he does say it) which is funny and infuriating all at the same time.

Did they want to make it queer at the end? If so, what changed? Is love different for angels? Who the hell thought sending Castiel to super mega hyper hell after admiting loving Dean was a good idea and message to the community????

Hell, if i know.

But people are raging, and i understand them… but it also makes me wonder, should i finish watching the show or not? Is it bad if i watch i on netflix? does it even matter? Do i matter?

Clearly, the audience didn’t matter much to the writers, if they did what they did to the characters at the end… there are a bunch of conspiracy theories going around about the ending of the show. I chose not to mind them too much because otherwise i’ll spiral into the neverending craziness in my head and we might never get an answer.

Since i’m on tumblr and i’m not blind, i pretty much know the ending, they are gifing everything, so there are no secrets, and i don’t really mind spoilers most of the time so i could watch it… but do i want to? I mean, a part of me obviously does, I love Sam Winchester, i want to see as much of him as i can… but i also gave up on it for a reason back in the day… and they upsetted a ton of people…

I’m being torn apart and i wanna be free of this pain… (yeah, i still quote Kylo Ren sometimes…), but i don’t know if i should do it or not.

I mean… Jared… but at the same time everything else.

Please, don’t get me wrong, i appreciate most of the people who participated on the show i don’t wanna be disrespectful to any of them… but Jared is JARED.

At the same time… when i left it, it was still going on.. and for me it will carry on (obviously on purpose) because of that and giving it an end will be like… idk… too much? Too hurtful? Seeing the ending could send me into a spiral of rewatching the show again and again, and it’s 15 seasons… which could consume my life when i just got back to normal, and reading and being okay and finally having plans in my life…

It’s just four seasons… four seasons and it will be over for me… but do i want it to be over?? Do i prefer having them as they were 4 seasons back or do i want their end? If i do watch am i betraying my community?

It’s too much…

Now i suddenly have the urge of ending my fanfiction about them… and starting a new one that it’s coming alive in my head right this moment.

I think i’ll leave this open for now, i have the option of watching it on netflix, i might do it someday… but i’m not sure today is the day… i’m not ready to saying good bye to Sam and Dean and Castiel yet. I guess it won’t be over for now… maybe the moment i see them in different tv shows will be the right moment, to let them go… speaking of letting go, i’m coming up with my next talk idea..

Letting go is so difficult, especially when these characters helped you through hard times.

Shot, i totally remember being super scared of season four and like, not being able to sleep for some reason… yes… the times when my life went to hell along with the Winchesters.

I love them, i totally do… i just, don’t want to day goodbye forever yet… and i know i can rewatch it, i’m just not ready for that either.

Carry On!

2 thoughts on “Thoughts on Thursday: The SPN experience.

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