I haven’t mentioned it before but i took all my sick days to myself, and i’m spending two weeks at home without working before i quit my job. Yes, i’m finally doing it. I told my boss i’m quitting at the end of March, no one at work knows yet, but i’m leaving at the end of April.
I think it’s a great step, but at the same time i’m like “what if i cannot find another job?! what if i’m not fit for any other thing?” … so it’s pretty scary, but i couldn’t stay at my current job, i suffered all the time from anxiety when i was in the office, and i felt like dying all the time… so yes, the doctor doesn’t want me to work there and gave me a ton of sick days.
The problem is i’m sinking into this depression episode i’m having even more than exected because i’m not doing anything.
I went to the psychiatrist last week and she gave me another pill, now i’m hoping after adding two new meds i’ll feel better. So far, i’m not crying much but i feel so worthless i’m not getting out of bed… I’m sleeping a lot, and eating a lot… the only thing i do all day is watch tv shows and taking my dog for walks, if he didn’t exist i wouldn’t come out of the house…
I wonder if maybe this is just laziness… i don’t trust people telling me they know i’m not lazy … i don’t trust anyone really.
The thing is, i’m not doing anything all day and i cannot concentrate on reading books, which is making me feel guilty for some reason, i tried at least 5 books in the last week but i couldn’t keep up with them so i had to put them aside, … the books are pilling up and i don’t know what to do.
Gosh, i’m so tired of everything, and so scared of what will happen to my in the future… like, in my sister’s mind i’m not working anymore, at all, which could be great if it wasn’t for the fact that i need money to survive in the world T_T, she is like, making plans of all the stuff i need to do at home because she is the one working and i’m… i’m a stay-home dog owner.
So, as i said, i’m like tired all the time and haven’t been reading so i’m not sure how i’ll manage to keep reading reviews (…), like my mind is pure blank.
My head just started hurting.
I’m worrying too much…actually not enough … if my mom knew i’m not sending CVs, … she’ll kill me but since i’m going on a trip at the beginning of May i figured, i won’t be able to start a new job until i come back. (in case you wanna know, my family and i are going on a cruise to Greece). I’ll start searching for a job when i get back, until then i’ll try to come back to my “regular” self.
Man, i’m not taking anything seriously … i can see it.
I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have quit. Now i’m regretting it…
If at least, i could spend my “vacation” reading.. but no! no way!
This is annoying.
Well, i guess i’ll keepp trying books until i make it, maybe i should reread something instead of starting something new.. that way i’m already familiar with the characters and it isn’t a new bound to create…
Okay… that’s all for now, i’m not sure what this was all about.